His Winter Heart: Gay Romance Read online

  "He said if I didn't, he'd kick me out," Colin told him.

  "Then why did you agree to my offer?"

  "You looked pretty good. I'd get to sleep indoors, and I need the money."

  "How is that any different than what that man wanted from you?"

  "I guess because it's someone like you and not some gross guy," Colin said with a shrug.

  "You said I was a vampire."

  "Sure, but you have that whole big, blond thing going for you. Your eyes are sort of... I don't know. There's something about your eyes. Whatever." He blushed. "Are you fishing for compliments? You're a good-looking guy. 'Nuff said." Then he thought of something. "Hey, how come you're paying for it? I mean. The way you look, you could just go out and get a guy."

  "Even you?"

  "Umm. Probably," Colin said and smirked.

  "I guess I wanted to pretend I was being a good Samaritan while at the same time getting what I want."

  "But you don't want me any more?"

  "I do. But I don't want to corrupt you."

  "Better you than someone else. If things don't turn around for me..." He looked really down just then.

  "You have a place to stay for tonight. You have time to figure out tomorrow night. For now you can watch TV if you like. I'll be in my office, working," Wes told him.

  As he left for his office, he saw Colin sit down and grab the remote off the coffee table. Wes had to take a few deep breaths once he was alone. He didn't know if he regretted what he almost did or that he didn't do it. When he took his libido out of the equation, he wasn't left with any doubts. Having seen enough relief on Colin's face, he knew he made the right decision. If he focused on that, he might even be able to concentrate on getting some work done. Before he could get to work, Wes remembered that he didn't offer Colin any food or drink. Wes went back to the living room to tell him to help himself to whatever he wanted from his understocked kitchen.

  When Wes went in, he found Colin asleep. The TV was still off. The remote was loosely cradled in Colin's hand. Slumped over the arm rest, it was as if he had fallen asleep within seconds of sitting down. Wes first brought over a pillow and a blanket then he woke him up so he could lie down properly and maybe take off his shoes.

  "Not yet," Colin pleaded, not willing to be woken up. With his shoes still on, he curled himself around the pillow, and Wes covered him up. The couch wasn't really big enough for him to fit on it comfortably, but that obviously didn't matter to a guy as tired as he was.

  Wes worked late into the night, unable to go to sleep. Colin's soft snoring reminded him that he was right there within reach and off limits. While doing as much useful work as he could, Wes tried to keep himself from thinking about what he wanted to do to Colin. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape the knowledge that it would be wonderful to sink into his young flesh. Wes could see him writhe and buck under him. He could hear him moan and call his name. He could feel Colin strain upward, reaching for him, pulling him down for a thorough, wet kiss that would be stamped on Wes's memory forever.

  Well past midnight last night, Wes had forced himself to go to bed even if all he did was lie there restless under the influence of visions of Colin. The next morning it was impossible to stay in bed. All night he had used his bed to turn and turn, and when his visions got the better of him, to find some relief in the tight circle of his fingers.

  Though he kept his own hours and answered to no one, Wes always got up early. He expected to find Colin still asleep on his couch. Somehow that didn't prepare him for the reality of it. On coming into the living room, Wes stopped. The sight of Colin sleeping was startlingly beautiful. Wes felt like there should be a guard on duty to keep Colin safe from men like Wes.

  To keep himself in check, Wes maintained a minimum safe distance as he went into the kitchen. He didn't even try to avert his eyes. That would have been impossible. As he stared, Wes felt like he was taking in what he saw, storing it away deep inside. One of Colin's legs was most of the way off the couch. His foot, clad only in a sock, dangled right above the floor. He must have taken off his shoes sometime during the night. His hands were stuck deep under the pillow and half his face was buried in it. His hair was slightly damp and plastered to his face. His mouth was hanging open reminding Wes of how he had snored lightly, just a low rumbling sound that Wes wouldn't mind having right next to his ear.

  Wes turned away and started coffee. He got out the bread for toast then remembered he had promised to take Colin to breakfast so he put it away. Once the coffee started brewing, Colin blinked and groaned. It was clear how much he didn't want to wake up despite the inviting smell of fresh brewed coffee filling the air.

  "Keep sleeping. It's not time for breakfast yet," Wes told him. It actually was time for breakfast, but Colin still looked so sleepy Wes decided to delay breakfast and do some work.

  *

  Once Colin found himself inside Wes's apartment, where it was warm and safe, he started to feel kind of heavy. He got knocked right out and all it took was sitting in a warm apartment on a comfortable couch. He found himself waking up in the pale gray light of early morning. A pillow was under his head and a blanket over him. Soft black leather was under his hand. Wes's deep, soothing voice had told him to keep sleeping. It sounded good to him, and he went back under.

  The next time he woke up, Colin could tell it was much later. Streaming in through the big windows, the light was bright and crisp. In the daylight, the place looked only a little better. It was still bare and not lived in. Colin got the same impression as last night. This place and everything in it was still waiting for someone to move in and start living there.

  From waking up before, Colin knew that Wes made coffee, but there was no sign that anyone used the kitchen at all. When Colin used the bathroom, he found it was impeccable. What kind of guy has a clean bathroom? That was unheard of. Wes was living here like a ghost. Colin took a quick whore's bath though he hadn't earned the name yet. He was tempted by that nice, clean shower, but to use it seemed like overstepping. From a total stranger, this was already a whole lot of hospitality. Remembering that he owed Wes at least a thank you, Colin went in search of him.

  Seeing an open door, he poked his head in. On the first try Colin had found Wes's lair – his office. Sitting in front of three monitors in the corner of a built-in, black desk, Wes was busy at his computer. The desk ended in two tall shelves stuffed with binders, books, and computer equipment. There was a big, black filing cabinet and some boxes stacked next to it. Most importantly, this place was in full use.

  "Now this is what I'm talking about," Colin said as he gestured around.

  Startled, Wes turned to him and smiled vaguely at his outburst. "My office?"

  "Yes, it is," Colin said. "And it looks normal. Like a human office."

  "I guess it's time for breakfast," Wes said, getting up.

  "It's almost ten," Colin pointed out. "Thanks for letting me sleep. I needed it."

  "It was no trouble," Wes said as he got his shoes and jacket on.

  Colin had his on already. He knew he was about to get thrown out. It was nice of Wes to follow through and take him to breakfast. Colin knew he hadn't earned it. He kind of wished he could do a little something to show his appreciation, but Wes seemed withdrawn, kind but all business. Wes was sending him a clear signal. It said "No longer interested."

  Chapter 2

  Next evening, Wes returned to Penny's Diner even though he liked to eat at a different place most nights to add variety to his life of routine. This time he had only one reason to go back so soon. And there he was. His reason for coming was stacking dirty plates onto a tray. Wes smiled. That was all the encouragement Colin needed to stop what he was doing and come over to his table.

  "Do you have a place to sleep tonight?" Wes asked him.

  "Are you going to make me another offer?" Colin asked with a self-satisfied grin.

  "You can sleep over if you have nowhere else. That's my offer."


  "This girl I know is talking to her roommate about letting me stay with them if I pay a little rent. I'm supposed to hear from her," Colin said and crossed the fingers of both hands.

  "Good luck," Wes told him. He knew it was a better solution for him than another night at Wes's. It would be unconscionable to wish for Colin's friend to fail him.

  Even if he didn't allow himself to make that wish, Wes still took his time with his BLT. Without fully acknowledging what he was doing, Wes watched Colin as he went in and out of the kitchen, doing his job, flashing a smile at the customers he knew. There was something almost clumsy about his movements. The way he picked up a glass or a plate wasn't quite fumbling, but it wasn't deft either. His fingers were long but not dexterous. He nearly collided with the waitresses twice. Wes admired how his body twisted so he could get out of their way. It was too easy to picture that body in bed, eager for his cock.

  Wes looked down at his empty plate and ordered a lemon meringue pie so he would have an excuse to linger. The pie was still slightly frozen when it arrived, but Wes didn't mind. He didn't usually order dessert. Eating it reminded him of eating out with his grandparents in establishments that served dinner early, where he was often the only child. He remembered always being greeted by the waiters and waitresses in a special way. When the waitresses would ask about dessert, they would look from his grandparents to Wes. Then Wes would eat a piece of cake or pie while his grandparents only sipped coffee. Wes felt like he was recreating those moments with every mouthful of translucent lemon cream and foamy egg whites.

  As the past threatened to pull him down, he looked up to break the spell. He sought out the sight of Colin as an antidote to the stuffy confinement of memories. Taking in Colin's broad shoulders, his swimmer's body, the curve of his mouth, his luminous eyes, Wes felt that everything oppressive was banished. Wes's own untasted youth was returned to him whenever those insinuating eyes were turned in his direction, and Colin winked at him.

  Whenever Colin passed his table, he smiled at Wes, but not the last time. Wes obsessed over the reason Colin had looked more serious. Then he got his answer. Colin came by his table with the downcast look of a guy about to ask for a favor.

  "No luck with Naomi's roommate. Is your offer still good?" Colin asked in a slightly gloomy voice. His eyes were hopeful though.

  "Sure. Do you want me to wait for you?"

  "No. I picked up two extra hours covering for someone. Can I meet you at your place?"

  "OK." Wes felt his heart beating faster. How was it possible that he was more excited at the prospect of Colin coming over tonight than last time. Tonight there was no possibility that anything would happen. Wes had made an absolute decision about that. Colin was just going to sleep over like he did before, but Wes's heart had some ideas of its own. Despite Wes's decisions, it harbored its own unreasonable hopes and longings.

  *

  Colin had gotten his hopes up that Naomi would come through for him with an actual place to live. Now he stood in the lobby of Wes's apartment building, out of the cold which had been cutting right through his clothes. It was a winter night no doubt about it. Colin thought about that apartment upstairs. It was somehow snug and welcoming though at first it seemed sterile.

  Colin passed up the elevator and made his way up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Everywhere he and Tim had lived since their parents died had been a dump – when they lived in that little hole of a place with noise and smells coming through the walls, with Uncle Hal, with that girl who latched onto Tim, and then with Brad. In those kinds of places, the elevators were either disgusting or gave someone the opportunity to corner and attack you. The second reason was why Tim told him never to use them. In Wes's building, the elevator was neither dirty nor dangerous, but Colin still took the stairs now that he was going up alone. It was only the ninth floor anyway.

  Though he was disappointed that it didn't work out with Naomi and her roommate, Colin wasn't exactly sorry to find himself back at Wes's apartment. For one thing, it gave him kind of a thrill to be there. Wes was pretty clear that nothing was going to happen, but the sense of anticipation didn't leave Colin. It was heightened to a screaming pitch when Wes opened the door for him. Averting his eyes, Wes stepped aside to let him in. It was like Colin had embarrassed him with his sexual expectations and stray thoughts about the probable size of his dick.

  As soon as he walked in and took off his jacket, Colin went over to the big living room windows. He had missed out on the view the last time. He had been too distracted and nervous. Tonight Colin saw other tall apartment buildings blocking his view. Between their dark silhouettes and lit up windows, he could see the black, starless sky. With half an ear, he listened as Wes told him to make himself at home. Colin was thinking about what it would be like to fuck in front of a big window like that. Could people see in? Turning to Wes to ask him if he had ever done it there, he found that Wes had already retreated to his office, just like the night before.

  At least this time Colin didn't pass out the second his ass hit the couch. He watched TV while Wes worked in his office. Around 1:00AM, Colin was ready to go to sleep. Not sure if Wes wanted him to sleep on the couch or what, Colin went to bother him in his office. Seeing him busy with his impressive equipment and all three monitors displaying something incomprehensible, Colin wondered how much time he spent working. Did this guy even know how to have fun other than propositioning homeless busboys. Before asking about the sleeping arrangements, he asked Wes about his work.

  "I own a small company. We design software," Wes told him.

  "Like apps?" Colin asked a little excited that Wes might be into something cool like that.

  "Sort of."

  "Games?" he asked even more excited about that possibility however unlikely it might be.

  "Not even close. It's specialized software. Mostly we modify our existing software templates to client specifications."

  "Exciting!" Colin mocked him. "So what are you working on now?"

  "I'm cleaning up code. Checking for errors."

  "Ooh!" Colin gasped.

  "It's for a small fishery operation's temperature and salinity controls."

  "Aah!" Colin gasped again.

  "I know it's boring. That's why I don't usually invite people to watch me do it," Wes said defensively.

  "Well, I came in here to ask where I'll be sleeping."

  Wes got up and led him down the hall. They passed a bedroom with a big bed. It was decorated in the same black and more black design of the living room. Next to it was a smaller room. Colin poked his head in and saw that it was a weight room.

  "Ah, the torture chamber," he said and wondered why they were there.

  "Correct," Wes confirmed. "Also the guest room."

  "Where?" Colin asked just as he spotted a futon hiding behind the exercise equipment. It was black, of course.

  "It's the only spare room I have," Wes told him. "The futon is for sleeping."

  "That thing?" Colin said. It looked about as comfortable as the exercise bench.

  "You're picky all of a sudden?" Wes said and rightly too.

  "In a place like this, I was expecting a real bed."

  "I don't have many guests," Wes said.

  "You might want to lie about that."

  "So I seem less like some weird loner?"

  "Your words not mine. Your very accurate words," Colin said.

  "I'll get you some sheets."

  "And a pillow because I don't see one," Colin told him as he tested the futon and found it just as uncomfortable as it looked.

  "I'll have to lend you one of mine again."

  "You really don't have anyone staying over, do you?" Colin asked in astonishment. Could he really be that much of a loner?

  "I might change my mind about letting you have that pillow," Wes warned him.

  "I'll just climb in bed with you then," Colin said to Wes.

  "That's what we're trying to avoid," Wes grumbled and gave Colin a warning look
over his shoulder as he left to try and make the futon marginally fit for sleeping.

  But to Colin it had never seemed like such a bad prospect. He wondered if Wes would do it with him if money wasn't involved. Or more like, Colin hoped he would. If Wes was a little weird, so what? And Colin wasn't really judging him. He just couldn't seem to keep his opinions to himself. Usually he could keep his mouth zipped when he needed to, like at work. But with Wes he felt like it would be wrong to be on his best behavior, like it would be dishonest or something. He would bet Wes didn't feel the same way. He probably wanted him to zip it.

  Once he was in bed, Colin listened to the sounds of Wes going to bed in the next room. He could hear water running, doors opening and closing, the floor creaking. The sounds were faint, but they had Colin's full attention. He still listened even as the apartment grew silent. Now Colin became more aware of what was closest to him. So this was Wes's own pillow Colin was sleeping on. He smiled and sniffed it. The smell went right to his cock.

  Colin stretched his back trying to get comfortable, but he knew the futon wasn't to blame. Was it wrong that all of a sudden Colin wished Wes wasn't such a good guy? Right now he could be enjoying Wes taking full advantage of him instead of lying on an uncomfortable futon, hard and unsatisfied. He wished he was as tired as last night. Colin had been disappointed that Wes didn't want to get him in the sack then too, but relieved as well. He had been horny and desperate enough not to care about what it would mean, but he really didn't want to fuck for money.

  That was exactly the kind of thing Brad wanted him to do, and he had made himself homeless before he would even consider it. Brad couldn't persuade him or threaten him into it. Wes didn't have to do much to put him on that path. Good thing he changed his mind because Colin was ready to go for it.

  Even now, if Wes wanted to fuck him for letting him sleep over, Colin would agree. If he came into the weight room to collect rent, Colin would bend right over for him, or kneel down, or do whatever. Was that just simple attraction with a big dose of gratitude thrown in? Or was it that Wes was so hands off that Colin felt slighted or challenged to make Wes want him again.