His Winter Heart: Gay Romance Read online

  Since he was a child, Wes had been living a gray life. Colin wasn't meant for that kind of existence. He was like a bright blue sky looking over a pallid, winter landscape, willing it to come back to life.

  Even though he couldn't change the way he was, Wes didn't want to be a stifling influence on Colin. And anyway, Wes wasn't sure he could deny him anything. A smile just looked too good on him.

  The next morning Wes got to taste what Colin could do when he had the ingredients.

  "Colin, you do know that eggs shouldn't be crunchy?" Wes said.

  Colin was across from him at the dining table, eagerly waiting for his reaction to the scrambled eggs he made.

  "I broke the eggs too hard and some eggshell got in," Colin explained and poked at his own plate of eggs, looking for debris.

  "Did you think it would dissolve?"

  "I tried to pick it out."

  "I appreciate the effort, but this is really unpleasant. Just boil the eggs next time." Wes wished he could force himself to eat the food for Colin's sake, but there was no way, not even for Colin.

  "Boiled eggs, yummy," Colin said sarcastically.

  "At least they would be edible. Just try to keep the eggshell on the outside of the egg."

  Colin slumped down.

  "I thought cooking would be easy. Those cooks at the diner are all crack, crack, flip, flip, slap it down, done."

  "I'm never eating there again," Wes said as he dumped his eggs in the trash and put two slices of bread in the toaster. "Try to make something fit for human consumption even if it's just toast."

  "I don't know. You do set the bar pretty high," Colin said as his eggs went into the trash as well.

  Since Colin had gone to work, Wes took the opportunity to use his room for its original purpose. As he went in, he looked at the futon made up for sleeping. Wes had bought two more pillows for Colin. Seeing that Wes had switched out his pillow with two new ones, Colin had demanded Wes's pillow back. For his own reasons, Wes refused to return it. It now smelled like Colin, and Wes wanted it for himself.

  Averting his eyes from the rumpled sheets on the futon, Wes started his exercise routine. So close to where he slept, exertion mixed with thoughts of Colin brought to mind vivid fantasies. They swirled in Wes's mind as he drove himself harder and harder. Sporting a hard-on and sweating, he refused to touch himself. He wanted to send his cock a clear message that Colin was off limits, but he felt he might come just from thinking about him.

  Colin didn't attempt an egg next morning. He just burned some toast for breakfast.

  "Aren't you going to say anything about the burned toast?" Colin asked as he shmeared his slice with butter.

  "No comment," Wes said as he ate his dry.

  "I scraped some of the burned stuff off."

  Wes gave him a wan look.

  "I just have to fine-tune the toaster settings. Turn down the bass, turn up the treble," Colin said and bit into his toast.

  When he went to put his plate in the dishwasher, Wes looked down as bits of bread crunched under his feet.

  "There are crumbs all over the floor," Wes said.

  "That's from scraping off the burned toast. You should put on slippers," Colin advised seeing that Wes was in his bare feet. "Aren't your feet cold?"

  "The solution to crumbs on the floor isn't to put on slippers. It's to clean the floor," Wes told him.

  "Oh," Colin said like that course of action never occurred to him, and maybe it didn't. Living with straight guys, Colin was probably used to a level of filth Wes only remembered from his college days. To his credit, Colin did insist on cleaning up. Watching him try to figure out the vacuum and then drive it around the apartment like it was a racecar was quite a show.

  Chapter 5

  Wes usually ate dinner while Colin was at work. Following his old routine, Wes went to a different place each night. He hadn't stopped at the diner since the days when he went there to invite Colin to spend the night. Thinking back to those days made Wes miss them. It had been almost like he was having dinner in Colin's company.

  It was still more than an hour until Colin had to go to work. That meant they could have dinner together. Wes found Colin in the living room. He was texting with someone, jabbing at the screen and shaking his head. Not wanting to interrupt him, Wes hung back. Colin caught sight of him anyway and held up his phone.

  "He's giving me the third degree. Next, Tim will be asking if I've been eating my vegetables." Colin huffed in frustration.

  Apparently he was done texting because he put away his phone.

  "That's kind of what I wanted to ask you about. If you don't mind an early dinner, I'd like to take you out to eat," Wes offered.

  Colin looked pleased, but he didn't say yes. Instead he told Wes, "I promise I won't try to cook anything. You don't have to take me out to eat. I always just grab something at Penny's."

  "That's exactly why I'd like to take you out, so you can eat something different, somewhere different. And I'm not going out of my way. This is what I would normally do anyway."

  "This early?" Colin asked skeptically.

  "No. Not since I lived with my grandparents," he said ruefully.

  "Remind me to ask for your life story sometime," Colin said as he got his jacket on, but Wes wasn't in any hurry to share the dreary details of his upbringing with him.

  *

  Colin was surprised and happy about Wes's dinner invitation. It was a step in the right direction, almost a date. Being out with Wes gave him a charge, stirring him up inside. That's not how Colin felt walking with a friend. Colin wondered if Wes was feeling it. Looking over at him, he couldn't tell.

  It was only late afternoon. The sun was low, submerging whole blocks in shade as it hid behind buildings. Throwing long shadows ahead of them, Colin and Wes walked a dozen blocks to a big Chinese restaurant. The place was ornate, with lots of red, not one of those modern, too cool to be fun places.

  The hostess was chatting on the phone in a foreign language when they went up to her. Her eyes fastened on Wes, and she beamed at him. Hurriedly, she hung up and put on a big, sincere smile, not a professional one. It was all for Wes. She barely glanced at Colin. The way she sparkled at the big, blond hunk, it was like she thought she stood a chance in hell. Sure, she was plenty cute, but that wasn't going to get her anywhere. As she showed them to their table, it was obvious she didn't have a clue that Wes was gay. Colin looked over at Wes to see if this was maybe his fault. And it was.

  Colin waited until they were seated and the hostess was gone then he scolded Wes. "That poor, cute girl. Stop looking straight. It's false advertising. Not to mention you're always buried under baggy clothes. You are sending the wrong message to the wrong audience. Get some tight shirts and jeans, and you will be buried in an avalanche of cocks. I guarantee it."

  Wes gave him one of his gray eyed, longsuffering looks. "You overestimate my appeal and also my cock requirements. I just need one or two occasionally, certainly not an avalanche of them."

  "You don't want mine," Colin grumbled.

  Wes said nothing.

  "You know you could disagree with me and tell me how much you want me," Colin said, leaning over the table so Wes couldn't ignore him.

  "My interest in you is well established and all in the past," Wes claimed.

  "Oh, that better not be the truth," Colin warned him. "But seriously. You are not just depriving me of your hotness. Think of all the other guys out there who aren't getting an eyeful of you because you are hiding under more layers than a baglady."

  "I guess I just don't have the same confidence in myself that you have in me." Wes was clearly mocking him, but Colin didn't care.

  "You're a good-looking guy. Learn how to flaunt it."

  "I remember you compared me to a vampire," Wes reminded him.

  "Maybe I meant one of those sexy vampires."

  "You didn't. You meant creepy, Nosferatu type vampire."

  Colin didn't deny it. He only laughed. But the tr
uth was he was finding Wes more attractive by the minute. Being out with him raised Colin's expectations, but nothing came of it, not even a kiss when Wes walked him to the diner.

  When Colin came home, he again looked for some sign of thawing from Wes. Busy working, Wes couldn't even join him to hang out and watch TV or something.

  To work off the sexual tension, Colin tried lifting some weights. Every piece of equipment he touched just reminded him of how good Wes must look when he's exercising. Frustrated, he shut the door and dropped on the futon and pushed down the front of his boxers quickly. His cock jumped out, stiff, needing relief. He cursed Wes for doing this to him.

  He needed to come so bad, worse than when he first started jerking off and he spent every free moment with his cock in his fist. Now his body was arching right off the bed, muscles tight. His body was rising into his fist. How could his own familiar hand satisfy him? He needed more. He needed Wes. His fist almost turned cruel around his cock. He needed Wes so much. He was dripping with sweat, gritting his teeth so he wouldn't scream out for Wes, yell and curse at him. When he came, it was sharp and satisfying only as far as it went. He would never be truly satisfied until Wes made him come.

  Colin was up earlier than usual because Becky got some work and told him he could get in on the action. Her cousin worked for a carpet cleaning service, and he arranged for Becky to distribute their flyers. Colin went along to help her and to get paid a little for his trouble.

  Becky was sweet and a little ditzy. She usually lost every job she got within two weeks, a month tops. If Colin didn't help her study, she would have already flunked her community college classes. It was the same way in high school.

  Colin and Tim had known her forever, since they lived next door to Becky's Polish grandmother, and she used to babysit all three of them. Becky's crush on Tim probably dated back to those days. Too bad for her Tim liked his women stacked. He also preferred brunettes, though for a truly stacked girl he'd make an exception. Becky was a tiny redhead. She didn't qualify for an exception.

  Since she was curious about where he was living, Colin had Becky meet him at Wes's.

  "Is it OK if a friend of mine drops in because she's on her way up, and I don't want to slam the door in her face?" Colin said to Wes, who sighed.

  Colin took that as a yes and watched as Wes continued dumping the crumbs from the toaster into the sink. That took him back. The only person Colin had ever seen cleaning out a toaster was his mother. Everyone else just assumed the crumbs got sucked into an alternate dimension or something, and Colin did too.

  To announce her arrival, Becky knocked continuously until Colin opened the door.

  "We heard you the first time," Colin told her as he swung the door open. "Not everyone is your deaf grandmother." Becky's grandmother was hard of hearing, and she also didn't speak any English. She was a fun babysitter.

  "Wow," Becky said as she saw Wes and craned her neck to look up at him.

  Colin introduced them, but Becky was still gaping at Wes so she missed his attempt at a handshake. The good news was that Wes didn't seem irritated that Colin had invited her with no notice and without really asking. He was such a tolerant guy, but Colin still decided to get Becky out of there before she tried to start a conversation with him.

  "He's a scary guy," Becky said once they were in the elevator. "I bet he could break me in half like a Popsicle stick and not even break a sweat."

  "I got you out of there just in time, didn't I?" Colin said to her.

  "You know my mom always said she didn't want a dog she couldn't take in a fight. That's why she has all those tiny, yippy dogs," Becky said. Colin thought they were no longer on the subject of Wes, but he was wrong. "That is not a dog you can take in a fight," she told him and pointed up as they stepped off the elevator.

  "Wes is the sweetest dog ... I mean guy." Colin glared at her. She was going to rot his brain.

  When Colin got back from littering the town with flyers, he saw that there was a bed in the weight room. The futon was gone and the exercise equipment was pushed back to make more room.

  "What's this?" he asked Wes, who came to stand next to him in the doorway.

  "It's your new bed. It was just delivered. You don't like it?" Wes said when he saw how Colin reacted to it.

  "I was hoping to graduate from the futon to your bed, not my own," Colin said frowning at him. "And thank you," he added with a lopsided grin.

  "You're welcome," Wes told him as if his thank you hadn't followed a complaint. But Colin really was hoping that Wes would feel guilty about making him sleep on the uncomfortable futon and invite him into his own bed. That's where he wanted to be. It was nice of Wes to get him a real bed, but he hoped it would soon become just another place for him and Wes to have sex.

  "Did you already have lunch?" Wes asked him.

  "I had a hot dog, but I worked that off. I'll just grab something."

  "I can make us sandwiches," Wes offered.

  "You haven't had lunch?" Colin asked. This late, he was sure he had.

  "I was waiting for you," Wes said as he got stuff out of the fridge.

  "Aha, you like my company," Colin said as he crowded Wes in front of the fridge.

  "Of course I like your company, that's why you're here."

  "Yeah, but you like like my company. You crave me. You pine for me, and all that good shit."

  "Don't flatter yourself."

  "It was love at first sight, or you wouldn't have invited me up here. Put more mayo on that," he said seeing that Wes was shortchanging him on the good stuff while loading his sandwich with lettuce.

  "Offering to pay you for sex isn't love at first sight."

  "From you, it is. I bet it's not just anyone..." Colin started to say, but Wes cut him off.

  "I've paid for it before. I'll pay for it again."

  "Not as long as I'm here. You pay a guy even to shake your hand, and there'll be hell to pay."

  "I can usually get a handshake for free."

  "You can get everything for free." Colin looked at him significantly.

  Wes refused to acknowledge the look and set one of the sandwiches he made in front of him. Colin moaned in appreciation as he took the first bite.

  "I know it's not that good," Wes told him.

  "I'm just practicing," Colin said and winked at him.

  Chapter 6

  For a while now Colin had been looking for a better job and also lobbying for more hours at Penny's. The manager at Penny's came through for him after he had a screaming, cursing fight with his nephew and he quit. Now Colin had his job.

  "I have bad news. They are giving me more hours at the diner," Colin told Wes as soon as he got home.

  "You won't be cooking?" Wes looked a little horrified.

  "No."

  "Then why is it bad news?"

  "I might make enough money to be able to move out of here."

  "But you don't have to. You're welcome to stay."

  "Good," Colin said, cheering up immediately. "I'll be washing dishes plus bussing for lunch and dinner."

  "That's a lot of hours," Wes said with a slight frown.

  "I told you it was bad news." Colin smiled and said, "And I'm going to miss you too."

  "I said nothing about missing you."

  "But I heard it loud and clear. And thank you for wanting me to stay." Both of those things were really nice to hear. All in all, it was an awesome day.

  It had been almost a week since Colin started working the new hours. That night, after he came home, he went straight to Wes's office. There was only one chair in there so Colin dragged in a chair from the dining room and dropped into it. He squirmed trying to get comfortable.

  "That's not the most comfortable place to sit in this apartment," Wes said to him.

  "Location, location, location," he said and each time pointed at Wes.

  "I thought we agreed that my work was too boring to watch."

  "I need my daily dose of you. Unless you want me to
watch you sleep?"

  "No, thank you."

  "It's because I'm at work most of the day now. I kind of miss you," Colin said.

  "Lets find you something better to watch," Wes said and got up from his desk.

  Colin was up in a flash invading Wes's personal space.

  "You missed me too," Colin said as he raised his arms like he was going in for a hug. The warning look Wes gave him kept him from doing that and everything else he wanted to do.

  "When I release all this pent up frustration, you will not be able to stand for a week," Colin promised as he followed Wes into the kitchen.

  Wes made them some snacks. Colin stretched out on the couch with Wes in the armchair. Then Wes vetoed every awesome horror movie Colin wanted to watch. Colin punished him with an 80's action flick.

  It was just nice to sit with him after work. That's what couples did. Colin didn't know he would be into that. He expected to have some casual fun for a good long time before he settled on that one guy he wanted to stick with. But there he was, the one guy. These days Colin was finding that other men didn't catch his eye the way they used to. They were something to look at, not something he wanted. What man could possibly compare to Wes?

  When he thought about that, Colin had to take a deep breath. He never realized that knowing what you wanted most in the world could be so terrifying. He wanted Wes. He had to have Wes, and if he didn't he felt like he would die. Lusting after Wes so hard, he hadn't noticed when his feelings leaped right over lust into... Just thinking about it, that word got stuck in his throat.

  "Are you sure about this movie?" Wes asked him. He must have noticed that Colin was having a quiet meltdown while Cynthia Rothrock kicked ass on the screen.

  "Have you ever been in love?" Colin asked.

  "No," Wes said without even having to think about it.