Make It Better (Gay Romance) Read online

  He left Marcus to the newspaper and went to take a shower. After last night, he didn’t exactly smell like a rose. Marcus didn’t smell like any kind of flower either. After he was done, Ray offered Marcus the use of his shower and some clean clothes to change into.

  “In what color?” Marcus asked suspicious that he would try to put him in another ridiculous outfit.

  “Normal colors,” Ray promised.

  Listening to the water running in the shower, Ray pictured Marcus naked, soapy body. Ray did get a look at some of it at the river so he only had a few blanks to fill in. When Marcus came out of the shower dressed in his jeans and a t-shirt, Ray sighed. He wished Marcus wasn’t dressed at all. Ray wasn’t very subtle in his wishing. Noticing how he looked at him, Marcus stared back. It was a simple, straightforward look that told Ray that it was his move. Maybe Marcus was still wounded from his refusal the last time. Ray still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but his legs just walked him over to the bedroom and to Marcus. Ray’s body sometimes knew what needed to be done better than he did. And right now his body wanted to be close to Marcus.

  As Ray went up to him, Marcus looked at him with welcome in his eyes. Ray could hear his breathing picking up. The longer he stayed there staring at him, the harder Marcus breathed. Ray reached down to pull off the t-shirt Marcus had just put on. Next he unbuttoned the jeans Marcus was wearing, his jeans. It was strange to be stripping Marcus out of his own clothes. Once he stepped out of the jeans, that was it. Marcus was naked.

  Ray could see some scars from his accident but nothing too bad. There was a cut across his upper arm that continued to his back. Both legs had signs of trauma. One foot looked pretty bad, but it obviously worked fine. Not being heart too badly probably made Marcus feel even worse about the accident, but Ray was glad. He hated to think of Marcus suffering. As it was, Marcus had obviously punished his own body in other ways. By not eating properly, he had lost mass though not definition. How Ray wished he was seeing Marcus as he had been. But he didn’t look so bad even now.

  Ray admired his skin, the color slightly darker than Ray’s. But he didn’t linger on any other part of him for long. Ray looked at his cock. It was semi-hard and gorgeous. Ray smiled seeing it. Marcus smiled and shook his head. He must have been used to having it admired, but Ray wasn’t done admiring it. He kneeled down in front of Marcus, for a closer look of course. He looked up at Marcus to smirk at him. There was no doubt about how much Ray liked what he saw. Marcus’s cock was a really good size. What Ray would consider the perfect length and thickness. It had a beautiful shape, like it was the original and all others were imperfect copies. Ray liked the dark, curly hairs too, the way they set off his superior equipment. Ray looked forward to getting his hands on all of it, on every part of him. But he wanted to make sure it was OK. So far Marcus was reacting well. In fact his cock had hardened just from Ray’s attention which so far was strictly hands off.

  “I’m going in,” Ray warned him.

  “Wow. What?’ he stopped him. Ray stood up. He didn’t even try to hide his disappointment.

  “You’re still dressed,” Marcus said. That was his objection?

  Ray laughed with relief.

  “You scared me!”

  Instead of saying that he was an idiot, Marcus started pulling on his shirt. He did it a little roughly.

  “I was gentle with you,” Ray reminded him.

  “I don’t have your patience.” he was now wrestling with Ray’s khakis. Since speed was his priority, he did it quickly but not nicely.

  “You’re borderline rude,” Ray told him.

  “Only borderline?” Marcus got him out of the boxers he had on a little more gently, thank God. Now he stared. And unlike Ray, he touched too and Ray gasped. He gasped for more than one reason.

  “Your hands are a little cold,” he told Marcus.

  “Ran out of hot water,” he said and rubbed his hands together.

  “Sorry,” Ray told him since he had probably used up too much when he took his shower.

  Marcus tried again, handling Ray’s cock gently but firmly.

  “Better?” he asked this as he stroked him.

  “Much,” Ray had to admit. But he also had to stop him.

  Ray took his hand off his cock and made Marcus sit down on the bed. Ray kneeled on the floor and grinned, eager to finally have his way with Marcus’s dick. He kept his touch light at first, even his licks were gentle, teasing. Marcus breathed hard but didn’t grow impatient. To reward him, Ray took his head in his mouth, just past his lips to suck on it and caress it with his tongue. Ray was a little nervous. He wanted so much for Marcus to like it, more than like it. Ray wanted him to love it, to be transported, even to be cured, as crazy as that was. There was a long moan to tell him he was doing the right thing. Ray went further and further a little at a time. Marcus was happy with his progress, laughing between groans. Ray found he enjoyed the contours of Marcus’s cock against his lips and his tongue and inside his mouth. Though Ray could have played with his cock forever, Marcus threw his head back and his breathing got rough. Ray could tell he was trying to hold back, but he wanted him to come. Ray went deeper and sucked harder each time he took him in. Marcus groaned louder all the time then stopped. Then he let out a sound of release. As Marcus dropped flat on the bed, Ray was busy swallowing. While he wished he could have seen Marcus come, the sound and feel of it had been a joy to him. He had made Marcus feel good.

  Marcus sat up slowly, with effort. He looked at Ray, who was sitting on the floor with his dick in his hand.

  “Are you in love with that hand? Do you two have a deep and committed relationship? He wouldn’t want to get in the way of that,” Marcus teased him as Ray kept stroking lightly.

  “Are you jealous?”

  “I am. Come on. I want to break you two up.”

  Ray stood up in front of him. Marcus took his hand to bring him closer and to get it off his dick. Before Marcus could start, Ray took his face in his hands and turned it up to him.

  “You’re kind of cute,” Ray said to him. It wasn’t what he wanted to say. There weren’t any words for that.

  Marcus pulled him even closer. Ray was standing between his legs with Marcus’s slackened dick wet against his thigh but starting to stir slightly. Ray looked forward to feeling it harden.

  Marcus started by nuzzling his waist then lower and lower. Since Ray couldn’t keep his hands off him, he rubbed his head and neck very lightly so Marcus wouldn’t think he was pushing him. He licked Ray’s balls then up his cock to the dripping head. He ruffled Ray’s pubic hair which wasn’t as dark as his. Unlike what Ray had done to him, Marcus started sucking with one deep swallow that almost knocked Ray off his feet. Ray leaned on his shoulders. Marcus looked up at him, mouth full of cock, with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. His eyes were so dark. Ray knew he could get lost in them. But that would be fine because he never wanted to look at anything else. And he never wanted to feel anything else except Marcus’s mouth on him. He sucked decisively then paused to lick him, to kiss the oozing tip. Ray was good at making himself last, but he didn’t want to tire him. He took Marcus’s hand and dipped two of his fingers in his own mouth. When Ray guided his hand to his ass, Marcus didn’t need further instructions. Ray stood with a wider stance and let Marcus’s fingers help him come. Marcus established a good rhythm between his sucking mouth and his probing fingers. He went deep at both ends and Ray was his. He was coming. Marcus didn’t swallow fast enough, but he licked up every drop that escaped.

  Marcus fell back on the bed just like he did when he came. He looked up at Ray. Ray loved the sight of him like that. It was pure contentment. Ray burned all over, going from the contentment of a second ago into wanting him again. He knew Marcus was feeling the same way. His dick stood up, hard again. As if offering himself, Marcus stayed with his legs wide like they had been when he was making room for Ray to stand between them for his blow job. His naked body was spread out for Ray to ogle and des
ire.

  Ray lowered himself on top of him slowly, wanting to align their bodies perfectly. He kissed Marcus and Marcus kissed back just as eagerly. In fact, he couldn’t keep his tongue out of Ray’s mouth. Good thing Ray loved sucking on it. After a good dose of kissing and groping and rolling around, now with Ray on top now with Marcus on top, their dicks were ready for action again. Instead of taking turns, they lined up head to toe. Ray took hold of Marcus’s dick and rubbed it all over his face and against his lips. At the same time, Marcus sucked his balls and tongued them until Ray could hardly focus on what he was supposed to be doing to him. For a while, they synchronized their sucking, then they alternated, then they just went wild and did whatever they wanted. Marcus lasted longer than last time, and Ray matched him easily. It was a very close finish. Their cries mingled, their voices indistinguishable in shared pleasure.

  Ray held Marcus too tightly afterwards while he breathed slower and slower. Marcus said his name just before he fell asleep. Ray almost woke him up to make sure he heard him right. Ray tried to stay awake and made some vague plans to make lunch. Only starting to consider the menu, he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Instead of making plans, he was soon asleep too.

  Ray could feel Marcus growing restless next to him. His movements woke him up. Ray looked at his bedside clock. It was just past noon. They hadn’t slept long at all. Though he was the one who woke him, Marcus didn’t fully wake up himself for a few minutes. Ray spent the time between wanting him to stay asleep since he knew he wasn’t sleeping enough, and wanting him to wake up. Marcus stirred almost like someone fighting off a bad dream. Ray pinched him to distract him. When he was finally awake enough for decision making, Ray offered him a choice, “I can make lunch or we can fool around again.”

  “Fool around then lunch.” That was Marcus’s choice and a fine choice it was.

  Ray pounced on him. He squirmed on top of him then ground against him until their dicks were poking each other. Ray held their two cocks together and rubbed. Though they were both enjoying that, he let go and slid down until he was lying on Marcus’s legs. Ray stretched out his arms up to his chest as he sucked him.

  “Look Ma’, no hands,” Marcus mocked him. I’m sure he meant “Don’t look Ma’”. Ray rubbed his chest and pinched his nipples. Marcus had a little bit of hair right in the middle of his chest, but he was smooth otherwise. That couldn’t be said of his legs. They were hairy and felt nice when Ray switched to fondling them. Marcus was tangling his fingers in Ray’s hair, trying to reach down his back. When Ray put his arms up again, Marcus massaged them. Ray loved that Marcus wanted so much contact because he did too. Marcus bucked and writhed when he came. Ray watched him come this time. He saw him smiling through the strain and the release of it. Ray moved up and took Marcus’s hand then wrapped his fingers around his dick. Marcus let go and pulled him up until Ray was astride his face. Ray lowered himself slowly into his mouth. Marcus sucked then pulled his cock out and let Ray’s balls dip between his lips. Ray was definitely getting the idea that Marcus liked sucking on his balls. Maybe it was everyone’s balls he liked to suck on, but Ray liked to believe it was just his. Marcus gave his shaft equal attention then fingered his needy ass without being asked until Ray came.

  Lying side by side, they were panting together, coming down from ecstasy to that lazy post-coital feeling. Ray was giving himself up to that feeling. Now he didn’t feel like making anything for lunch and said so.

  Marcus had a suggestion.

  “We can have pizza. There’s this place near here that has a deep dish mushroom that…” he stopped too suddenly for Ray to miss that something was wrong.

  Sitting forward in bed like someone who had woken up from a nightmare, Marcus looked at him with bewilderment. He opened his mouth like he had to say something but couldn’t. His eyes were filled with remorse and pain. Ray was desperate to help him, but he didn’t know how.

  “You got reminded of something,” he guessed.

  Marcus nodded, not able to speak.

  Ray wanted to urge him to talk, but he wasn’t sure if Marcus could get the words out or that it wouldn’t hurt him more. Ray left him to decide for himself. He would listen but not push him.

  Marcus stayed silent, looking lost. After a while, Ray got up and dressed. He gathered up the clothes Marcus had borrowed from him and put them on the edge of the bed where Marcus was still sitting as if in a daze. Ray picked up the clothes they got wet and dirty when they took that dip in the river and took them to wash. The laundry room on his floor was empty. He was glad. He couldn’t pretend to have a cheery, meaningless conversation with a neighbor just then.

  When he went back to the apartment, Marcus was dressed. Ray told him to sit. He made them some simple sandwiches. Marcus ate half of his only because Ray had gone to the trouble of making it. His appetite from before was gone. They sat in silence. Marcus was lost in thought.

  After lunch Ray thought Marcus might leave, but when he guided him to his couch he sat down obediently. Ray didn’t think Marcus cared where he was. Ray read and let him be sad. As he turned the page and looked up, Ray saw that Marcus was staring at him. He had a questioning look. Ray had seen it before but not with this hopelessness and intensity. It was a look that said “What now?” At that moment it was full of such sorrow, Ray wanted to run either to him or away from him. He was asking him a bigger question than Ray could answer. He dropped his book and went over to Marcus. Ray took hold of him slowly so he could push him away if he wanted to. He didn’t. Marcus leaned his head on his shoulder but didn’t move otherwise. As long as he stayed like that, Ray knew it was OK to hold him. He would hold him forever if it would only keep him from sinking.

  He didn’t expect him to, but after a while Marcus started talking.

  “Vicky hated mushrooms. If anyone even mentioned pizza, she would start yelling, ‘No mushrooms! No mushrooms!’ Jake and I loved them.” Marcus moved away a little and looked at him. His eyes were dry. He looked calm. “I took them to that pizza place a few times. Jake and I always had the mushroom deep dish. Vicky liked the ham and pineapple. The last time was a few weeks before the accident. We went to celebrate a prize Vicky won at school.” His eyes clouded over again. He was remembering too much, maybe too vividly. Seeing his brother and sister so clearly in his memory was too painful. He stood up. Ray knew he was leaving.

  “You can be sad here just as well as anywhere else,” he told him. Ray was afraid Marcus was going to go on one of those aimless, exhausting walks that Lionel had spoken about. Ray hated to think of Marcus all alone walking and walking, going nowhere.

  “I don’t want to bring you down,” Marcus said but he didn’t move. Ray took his hand and pulled him down to the couch again. Marcus slumped down then leaned back, threw his head against the back of the sofa to stare at the ceiling.

  “I’m going to read a little, try to remember our laundry, and then practice my cooking skills and in general do boring stuff. I won’t bother you,” Ray promised.

  Marcus looked at him and gave him a very thin smile. But he stayed. He even sat down with him for dinner. Though he tried to, Marcus couldn’t make himself eat anything. Ray wished he could have stayed the night. But Marcus got into his own clothes, left Ray’s behind, and walked out with a sad “thank you” which he almost whispered.

  *

  Marcus felt a little disoriented after leaving Ray’s apartment. Memories of Vicky and Jake were mixed up with his time with Ray. He could hear Vicky laughing as Jake made fun of her and her nerdy friends. He could make her cry just as easily, and then Marcus would give him hell. Jake always asserted his right as her real brother. He could be such a jerk. But if anyone else made her cry, Jake was ready to beat them to a pulp for it. He was like that with Marcus too, a jerk to his face, defending him behind his back.

  As the memories swirled in his head, Marcus realized that for just a minute, he had remembered Vicky and Jake without pain. It didn’t last, but before that moment at Ray’
s, the pain had been constant. Their memories were always overlaid with a feeling of loss.

  Ray had brought back to him the warmth of being in the company of another person. Next to him, Marcus felt calmed, safe. Ray’s body was like a raft that kept him afloat. Even after the bad memories intruded, Ray kept them contained, manageable, kept his head above water. Though he was grateful, Marcus couldn’t stay.

  In a strange way, leaving Ray was like his last days in the hospital. He hadn’t wanted to be discharged. He didn’t want to face a world without his brother and sister. Pulling away from Ray had been worse. Ray was warm, giving, and wildly good in bed. He also wanted Marcus to stay. Even as he was letting him go without a struggle, those incredible eyes were begging him to not to go.

  *

  Knowing that he needed time, Ray didn’t contact Marcus for two days. Instead, Ray spent some time with his friends but didn’t mention anything about Marcus to any of them. They could tell something was on his mind. Their first guess was that it was a guy. But no matter how much they needled him and pestered him, he admitted nothing.

  When Ray finally called him, Marcus sounded different. He said Ray’s name as soon as he picked up. That was the first word Ray heard him say. It had a sound to it like Marcus had been waiting for his call. The agreement out of obligation was gone. Ray could swear that Marcus sounded like he was looking forward to seeing him again.

  When Ray said they should meet at a restaurant, there was a pause. After last time, Ray didn’t want to pressure him by having him come over to his place again. After the pause, Marcus cleared his throat.